Hello everybody, remember me? :p I know it's been a while since my last post but I have been busy dealing with some issues of mine. So this is going to be a rather depressing post, sorry for being the party pooper. :p More specifically, this post is about depression itself. As some of you people might already know, I am a victim of depression and anxiety disorder, two really torturing (in my opinion) mind illnesses that can really mess your mind up. To make things more clear, let's say depression is like not caring about anything (depression is actually a lot more than that) and anxiety is like caring too much for everything (again anxiety comes in lots of forms and it can be experienced differently by each one of us). So imagine having both of them, it's like hell! At first I didn't want to get out of bed and you could see a whole pile of dirty dishes next to me because I didn't want to get out of bed, not even to eat with my family. Then I started feeling sad about pretty much anything, I started being irritable to everyone around me, getting angry and crying for the stupidest reasons, and then panic attacks started occurring more and more frequently (that was the worst part). Long story short, I have been dealing with these issues for more than the last 2 years and I finally tried to do something about it a few months ago when I started taking medication, which helped me, made me feel okay for the most part. But I stopped a month ago (that’s another story which I won’t talk about right now) and the ugly thoughts didn't hesitate to come back. This post is about me, trying to take a huge step out there, admitting my problem to the world leaving myself vulnerable for you to see. And people, know that when a depressed person does that, to admit their problem, it is a VERY difficult thing for them to do! For example, in my case no-one believed me and that was my biggest fear! My friends and family were saying stuff like "you're fine, you just need some rest" (after a whole day doing nothing else but sleeping), or "you just need some vitamins and some food and in a couple of days you'll feel better", or "you're fine, sometimes I feel sad too but then I think about what's really important and I focus on thinking positively". A person with depression cannot just simply stop thinking about negative things. Negative thoughts become you when you are depressed, feeling sad is not just an emotion is your daily routine! How can you think positive when there is no reason at all to feel sad, or angry? Then come the bad thoughts which I admit, those really are negative thinking because you cannot stop yourself from thinking about your death and the people you are going to leave behind. And yet wonder, would it be better if you were just gone, vanished, would anyone even notice? I think that was the worst part for me, because it is at times like these that you need your close ones and it felt like everybody abandoned me, but eventually they understood that this was a big problem (and a real problem) and I had their support. This post is not about me crying or acting like a baby about my problems, I'm not trying to prove that I suffer from these illnesses or make you feel sorry for me. I want to reach out to people, friends or even family that might be facing the same or similar problems and tell them don't let it kill you! You are more than that! I am not going to tell you that is going to be easy, I know it's rough but things will get better! Talk to somebody about it, even if they don't understand you at first (which they probably won't, unless they already experienced depression), friends and family are always there for us and eventually you will feel better about it! Just have patience, that's all. You are not alone and there are lots of us out there, some of them don't even know that they might have depression yet. Did you know that GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) affects 6.8 million adults, or 3.1% of the population? Quite a lot right? You can also visit a therapist or a psychiatrist, get medication, talk about it, keep a journal, anything that works for you really. Just make sure you fight it and you get it out of your system! That’s all, I really hope you liked my illustration and post because I tried really hard for this, to make this illustration and write about my problem, expose it for the whole world to see…
